biancarayne

“What were you thinking, putting those two together?! They’ll never complete the yakar!” Just a personal thing, you don't have to listen to at all...I just don't like exclamation points ...

Some spaces between paragraphs in the beginning. It doesn't bother me personally, but I know a lot of people on here don't like to comment unless there's double spaces between ...

To answer the questions: The part where Javier met the "girl" seemed to go by far too fast in my opinion, and didn't at all seem very realistic, for some ...

Thanks so much to everyone who's commented so far!!

So, this definitely has some potentially to be a crazy engaging teen romantic kind of a thing, but right now it's a little untapped into. Everything does go by way ...

The story moves by way too fast, so that it feels like nothing gets developed as much as it should be and so nothing has as much of an impact ...

"You can deny anything, if you want to. Reality is merely a matter of perception. If you define reality like that, then you can change your perception and consequently change ...

ah I totally forgot about writing weird...

Pretty good. Your Ideas were great. Work a litlle bit on your work choice though. If you keep readig and writing I can invision you being a fabulous poet. Still ...

thank ya'll for the comment!!

Right now, this is a good start because it's really easy to feel the emotion in this, but it's very raw and underdeveloped- I think this piece as a whole ...

I I close my eyes, feel small against the dense black waiting there for me, makes me cling to voice, vision, breath minnowing from I (feel chest deflate, punctured, and ...

Okay, my friend wants me to write a libretto for her, and since I had no idea what a libretto was, I had to google it...I think I know how ...

a new draft of this is up now!!

~~Mmkay, so I know people don't like it when you put rough drafts up here so, at the risk of popcorn being thrown at my head *ducks to be safe* ...