biancarayne

Hey there! I enjoyed reading this story. The voice/narrator you have makes it feel more personal. This kind of jumped out at me though... After a while, his teeth began ...

Thank you so much for the comment!!

thanks so much to everyone who's commented on this so much! and about the beginning paragraph-it has nothin to do with the poem at all, just a lament that everything ...

I think you could have done a lot with this without rhyming. In poetry that's meant to be emotional, in my opinion rhyming limits the word choice, limits how powerful ...

I don't think the title really had much to do with it, as dirty was never mentioned...perhaps red wine instead of dirty wine? I would point out punctuation, but you ...

This didn't make much sense to me, but that may just be me of Liz pointed out, some of the similes didn't seem to match with the others one at ...

The message of this poem is certainly something a lot of people can relate too, and the imagery is definitely vivid. However, at the same time to me it seemed ...

This is definitely a very broad idea which you could do a lot with, however I think you limited yourself with typical arguments and phrases rather than branching out a ...

Like everyone is saying, there is too much repetition in here that does nothing to this poem but rather takes away from it's potential power. Also punctuation might help too. ...

looks more bored than serious to me...

~I'm in a slump, both stories and poetry. The ink from my pen has dried and refuses to flow no more; a world in which creativity reigned in me has ...

Each recto containing; inner bombings, I don't know if the semicolon is necessary or not, but I don't think it is. We anger, struggle, experience- That sounds rather awkward to ...

There are a lot of grammatical errors in this that were minorly distracting. Also, I feel like you could work a lot on the character development and dialogue in this, ...

Her eyes gazed directly at the black scribbles I'm not sure if you should use the word scribbles, cause scribbles sounds more like a kid took a marker and wrote ...

replying on my ears to make sure my daughter was still safe. At first that part confused me, but I think you meant relying... Being our only child, Cammie Does ...