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Re: Pain
Well. Mixed opinions on this one. Your style is different, which is good in itself: there are times when you sound way overpretentious; this tone might be excellent when writing ...
Feb 9, 2006 -
Re: Conversation
It ain't got a thing goin' for it. Firstly - grammar. Hey you yes you we need to talk Where are the commas that make this readable? Think about how ...
Feb 9, 2006 -
Re: Travel Along
Right, down to business! Travel in space see what’s in store, OK, problem here is that you need a comma after "space" to make the sentance grammatical - try saying ...
Feb 9, 2006 -
Re: Haiku written in German
Good haiku, though it's a little cliche :) I'd suggest 'Wiederbelebung' as a title.
Feb 8, 2006 -
Re: Writing Challenge 2/6: Heroes
I wrote this practically with my eyes closed, because I couldn't quite see it if I was looking. And then I couldn't change it; so it'll have to be a ...
Feb 8, 2006 -
Re: A tribute to old PJ
Eh, I'm lovin' the Jackson style :) I envision him fat too, however, and always will ;)
Feb 8, 2006 -
Re: Cartoon Violence
So, I really couldn't care less about how offensive it is. This is not because I disrespect the Islamic religion (in fact, the absolute automatonlike loyalty it continues to inspire ...
Feb 8, 2006 -
Re: Part Three: Clarity
So, I have no idea how this managed to get by without being commented upon. People's lack of willingness to read anything long, I guess: shame. Well, it's a class ...
Feb 7, 2006 -
Re: Response
the off rhythm in the last line of the first stanza. I don't think so: ten syllables per line, to the metric inch ;) I don't usually mess up my ...
Feb 7, 2006 -
Re: Abbey Road
Ah :) it's the Beatles' old recording studios, which is where it comes from, though I think there's actually a street near me called that as well.
Feb 7, 2006 -
Re: The Enders
And behold, unto you it is given! Eh. I'm tired. 1. It was a quiet evening, as quiet as it got in New York; no gunshots, no screams, no crackle ...
Feb 7, 2006 -
Re: Response
RESPONSE He woke to find your letter in his hand, crossword-cryptic, and without a name; wandering, the way that poets do with teary script like roses in the rain. The ...
Feb 7, 2006 -
Re: I am me
Nope, not happy with this. Firstly, you've forced a rhyme. I don't know how many times I say it, and I'll probably end up saying it plenty more: DON'T start ...
Feb 7, 2006 -
Re: I can't wait to grow up
For grammar and punctuation, high marks: A or A- For concept, probably about a B-; it's not very original. For rhythm and meter, LOW: E+. There's no sense of you ...
Feb 7, 2006 -
Re: Abbey Road
Both together - found a basic chord pattern, started figuring out words to go along with it, and both worked their way up slowly. The music makes all the different, ...
Feb 6, 2006
