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Thanks for the reviews guys! If you want a free review, Explosive Pen, then you can just say the word. Otherwise, I really appreciate it! And yeah, there is a ...

Hi JoshuaPaul! I noticed that you commented on one of my chapters, so I'm here to return the favor! Just a quick side note though, GO NEW ZEALANDERS! (The computer's ...

Back in the real world for this chapter part (as opposed to he memory world, which is at the beginning of each chapter.), after falling asleep from the best day ...

I still want to hear something about an age... because it's confusing. Just slip it in somewhere, anywhere. Otherwise, it was a lottle confusing until I got to the end, ...

Hmmm... I know this was posted a few months ago, but I hope you still end up getting this. I feel the need to comment; then I liked being weird ...

I think that you have potential, but what bothers me is your sentence structure. You had one sentence for about half of the first paragraph. I think the general rule ...

Lol... sounds like a good idea! At least you have people interested. Are you going to do a group NaNo, or just a personal one for each intervidual? If the ...

I have been published. I entered a story into a competition, and I posted it on here first. The ironic thing was that it was meant to be fore adults ...

How to defeat the plot bunnies? That aught to get them thinking....

I disagree with the Baron. I think that it's cool how you made some lines bigger than the others, just watch how small you make some of them, as it ...

Okay, just a short one from me. You need to learn how to show, and not tell. I suppose that in the prologue, it is fine the way that it ...

Thanks. I was just looking for the opinions on the re-written prologue anyway. I'm not too fond of long ones either, and the blatant switch halfway from being about 'you' ...

Thanks for all of your comments YWS-ers! I have put the first/ second chapters up, and they should be accesible on either the first or second page of the action ...

Okay, I know that I only posted the original a few weeks ago, and I am only three chapters in, so I should not even be thinking about changing anything... ...

Yes. I will continue this. For anyone who wants to read chapter 1, and part one of chapter 2, it s p int eh Action adventure fiction forums already. I ...