ashleylee

Wonderful, as usual, kels. And I totally think you should go for your previous idea! That's just perfect! :) This story makes me so sad though. How those boys are ...

There are a lot of mistakes in this for one. A lot of capitals you missed and spaces you needed. Simple yet important things that make the story. Other than ...

This is sad. But extremely well written. You give us insight into this girls head but with that, I think you could give us even more insight. You gave us ...

You really did well with this one! I mean, you said you didn't give them names on purpose but I think they don't need names. You made it so it ...

Okay, I understood this :) Some kids are playing tag right? It was kind of confusing in the beginning but it got clearer towards the end. My overall impression of ...

Hey, just to give you a heads up, I haven't read the first version of this one. But, even though I didn't read the other one, I really liked this. ...

Nice work :) This was really well written. The only thing that stood out is I think you could maybe have used a different word besides reality. It seemed to ...

Yeah, I have the same this your story or a character you thought up? But I think this has potential. You have a good start here but make it more ...

I'm sorry but I guess that's just how it's written. Maybe if I continue it, I won't kill him! :)

Suspenseful! :) I thought you did very well with this and I can understand why you won first place in the contest. However, I agree with Azlla and think you ...

Powerful. You had that inner conflict going on (at least, that's how I took it. I might be wrong :) ) and it held me until the end. Very well ...

Interesting. Very eerie and suspenseful. Nice touch! :) However, first I agree with the others and think you should change this to first person. Also, your paragraphs should be spaced ...

I thought this was really good. Your descriptions were great and there was one particular line that made me smile: A breath of icy wind stirs the thick foliage above ...

Hello. I am your first review! :) This, I found, very descriptive, which is wonderful. You described everything so well that I could picture exactly what the theater looked like. ...

Okay, there were many moments in this story where I serious smiled! This was really well written and I only have a few things to say: "Sorry?" he asked, like ...