ashleylee

Hey kels! I am your first critique so here it goes: The carriage we have begun this journey on slowly climbs up, and up. First, this sounds really awkward to ...

Oh, this is MUCH better. You answered all those questions I had been wonering about from the last time I read it. Great Job! PM me if you continue (and ...

Okay, first, you need to post your second piece in a seperate page so people know you have two parts here. Now, I only found one thing and that was ...

My only suggestion is that you try to describe things more. I think you move at too rapid a pace. You have an awesome plot here but how bluntly they ...

I thought your perception of vampires was right on! I have no bad comments to make. All I have to say is that I am on to part two! Good ...

This was nice. I agree with astrangedbeaR that the first two lines are kind of confusing. But you do really express your love for this person! Whoever receives this should ...

Good continuation of your last one. I think you did well but the only thing that confused is: Are they not human? I'm not really understanding that part. I know ...

Yeah, I think you should post these seperately or using little waves or symbols inbetween to signal different parts. It's too hard to tell if you've added more if you ...

I only noticed a few things: “Did you have?” she asked. Missed a word here I think...you should add fun after the word have . “Hey Adam,” called my friend ...

Okay, first, I want to make a point of that you kind of confused me in the beginning. You switched from the woman bathing in the ocean to a guy ...

You have a good start here. The only thing I think you could change would be to try and show us rather than tell us what is happening (if that ...

Interesting and creative. This was really unique. I don't think I've ever come across something like this before. But good work all the same! :)

Well, I seem to find myself reacting the same way as I did to your first one. I don't know but you seriously have talent. Your descriptions...they are so SO ...

Umm....WOW! Your descriptions blew my mind. *stares with mouth a-gap into the computer screen* Seriously, you can write! Everything in this was done perfectly. All I can say is you ...

Okay, nit-picks first 'kay :) He loved animals. His hands had held water pythons and turtles, ladybugs and dragonflies had crawled on his hands. This should be put into two ...