ashleylee

Kelsey: Okay, I will. If I can't print it out tonight, I will soon! Promise! :D

Wow, that was a really sad ending. And I liked this. And I totally understand the butterfly with the skull thing. It was a perfect symbol of death and beauty ...

Hey Everybody, I made this WAY WAY shorter than my last chapter because I know how hard it is to read. This one is half as long so hopefully that ...

First, I agree with Snoink that you need to come up with another idea besides the reason that Dan likes her because of her eyes. I think going the intelligent ...

This was a decent poem. I'm not an expert at poetry, however, so don't quote me on the things I say! :wink: The main point of your poem was pretty ...

First, I must say that you need to space out your paragraphs more then they are now. I caught myself reading the same sentence over and over again because they ...

Interesting! :wink: This is a really good story. You write very well! There are only two things I notcied: Cradling her to him, he kissed the top of her hair ...

Hey, I agree with Jamie_rocks on this one. You totally have to describe your characters more. It seemed kind of blah to me at the moment. But I think the ...

Hey! This is what I have for nit-picks: The boy had been playing too close to the machines, the workmen said, and had gotten in the way before they knew ...

Hey, that was hilarious :lol: I had no idea it was a dream until he started licking her face. Very cute! Well, I noticed only one thing for nit-picks: “No, ...

Wow, that was a super, crazy ending. First, I'll do my nit-picks: "Sit down, Joy. We'll go outside soon." I glared at Ginny. This was her fault. If she wasn't ...

Hey, thanks to both of you for critiquing! :D Perra: I took your advise and changed all the things you said. Hopefully, it makes more sense now! Also, this is ...

Oh, this is so good. (too bad that I knew the ending before I read the other two parts! :( ) But anyway, I didn't find anything wrong in this ...

Very Good! I only noticed one thing this time: His stethoscope swings side to side as he sways on his feet. I think you should add the word from in ...

I'm sorry if I am repeating things that others wrote above ^^^^^^ but here's the things that I spotted: I’m stuck somewhere in between, unfeeling, uncaring. I think you need ...