Xena

hey well i think there is alot of diologe that really made it longer than it should of been... like some of its good and keeps the story moving, but ...

yes written smoothly, but the part where you say she hissed, sounding very pissed off... i think you could just delete the sounding very pissed off... yoru telling us something ...

I dont know... yea it was a lot of description... and i do my share of describing... but it all just said the same thing. not that all of it ...

just read it and tell me how much you love it... ive got no time for chastising HOLY HELL! This story ROCKS my Mother F'n socks OFF! --Mark Twain Mart ...

You got some real good stuff here... but that guys review up there has some good points... along with some real stupid ones! no im kidding... kinda... first off i ...

FATE has the look of an angel, having pure white hair, flowing down to his shoulders, and angelic wings sprouting out of his back. He is dressed in a black ...

I dont know exactuly what happend.. i was just watching disneys the robots... and then when i rad this i thought this these two were robots... and so this girl ...

max... youre out of your mind... and yes they should be lyrics.. perhaps for the joanas brothers new hot single.. your lovin is the cure... from their debut album, "you ...

oh... so this is a metaphor for god?... as a book...? what? gandi did suzoo tell you this... or did you deduct all that just from reading it... your pretty ...

hey mr nolan... i think you have some sperm stuck in your teeth... no lon.. i mean no lol. no lol! i kid i kid, i kid because i love ...

ps. mine were about a bunch of animals hanging out... and bums with hidden rooms in their boxes... and covering the sun with ice cream because some guy thought it ...

oh my god kitty... that second one is fuuking brilliant! im not even kidding... you should follow that up. again. not even kidding.

ps. i didnt even read the first kastanzas till now.... the industrias city, ooh i think i likey... but then it kinda fell down.. and it could of been worded ...

huhh... ummmmm.... alright. so theres homes for pregnent girls.. kind of like half way houses? or like homeless shelters? that these girls go to live untill they "kick the baby" ...

hmmm... i dont think you can do that... stop-beating... i dont think thats a... a word. but it should be,,, it should be. i like the idea, but how is ...