Vison

Just a small addition. In the future, since this is a message-board and they don't let you indent (they also delete extra spaces...), could you put a line in-between each ...

You spelled your chapter title wrong, and that's the only other structural nitpick I have. About your sister and the like, was that sentence supposed to mean they don't want ...

Alright, it's been edited. Thanks to everybody! (And please be sure to check out chapter 2 if you like this one, I think that's one I need a lot more ...

Note: I figured I would post all those chapters I have already written, and then sit down one day and edit all of them based on everyone's reviews. A big ...

The only mistake I see structurally is near the very beginning, 'Two days they have been sitting upstairs , laying in my room unopened' Over all, I liked it, the ...

It read almost like a prologue exposition, to me. That last paragraph though didn't fit well with the almost semi-omnipotent third person POV I got from the first three. I ...

Note: Very rough draft. Haven't added in that many appearance details yet, just the raw plot for the most part. Sivus and The Memory Key 1 Dragosoth Sivus was a ...