Vari

Hello Nike You have an interesting concept here and it could go many ways. But there are a few typo's and a few weird sentences: 'A iron' should be 'an ...

*waves* hello again! Jumping right in - as always: In the first paragraph Odin is held down by more than one Wicks(?). They're holding down both his arms. Usually when ...

Hello Zafea, I'm going to be dreadfully honest with you and say that I didn't make it through more than a quarter of your story. There were so many mistakes ...

Hello again ^^ As always, here's a list of things I noticed while reading: "He had pulled a ballcap on over his head, but ginger red curls still managed to ...

Hello again Smanske C: Starting again with what I noticed when I read through it: "The Wick grabbed frantically at his neck, but it was too late-he fell to the ...

Hi Emerald, Short but sweet. A few spelling mistakes her and there 'rom' instead of 'from' and some such. A few parts of Dympha's speech seemed a bit off to ...

You say your first draft was a too much detail? This one doesn't have enough. Even with the question marks you've intentionally given the readers, I sometimes have to go ...

Hi Smanske, Overall I really liked your story and your writing style. You're not afraid of breaking the third wall and engaging your readers. Your writing style makes it very ...

Hi Rosey, I'm just going to jump right in and start asking questions :) If it didn't say this was chapter 1.1, I wouldn't think that this was the first ...

You should separate the 'past' part from the present, maybe by saying 'present day' or something similar. Just to keep confusion at a minimum. Also the first two or three ...

This time she never came back. Maybe rephrase this? It sounds kind of awkward.. It was the summer before I was a high school freshman. Separate this as a new ...

I liked it but watch your tenses! At times I dwindle for a moment and felt it more like an hour. Dwindle is present tense en felt is past tense.. ...

I'll try not to repeat anything Solvy already said :] She just watched in horror waiting for the shrilly cries of her birth mother to stop. If John is Cynthia's ...

also known as my better half If Evan Cartier is Vivian's better half then I hope to hell I never cross paths with Vivian. A force to be reckoned with ...

There are a lot of mistakes in this story, you would benefit from running it through a spell-checker beforehand. The story is intriguing though but there is a lot that ...