Vari

I go to sleep. I have amazingly vivid dreams that range from living beneath the house of a murderer to leaf people in a super-sized forest. My best ideas come ...

You should separate the 'past' part from the present, maybe by saying 'present day' or something similar. Just to keep confusion at a minimum. Also the first two or three ...

This time she never came back. Maybe rephrase this? It sounds kind of awkward.. It was the summer before I was a high school freshman. Separate this as a new ...

The use of 'you' instead of 'I' or 'he' makes this interesting. I hope you turn it into a novel because I'd keep reading :] What's the name of the ...

I liked it but watch your tenses! At times I dwindle for a moment and felt it more like an hour. Dwindle is present tense en felt is past tense.. ...

Awwh stop you'll make me blush :p Thanks for your encouragement, it was kind of a spur of the moment write and I was surprised at how well it flowed ...

I sat in the car, staring blindly at our house and tried my best to keep my breathing level. My mother wasn't picking up her phone. That could only mean ...

I'll try not to repeat anything Solvy already said :] She just watched in horror waiting for the shrilly cries of her birth mother to stop. If John is Cynthia's ...

I look forward to reading more :] ~ Vari

Chapter One I stared out of the window, the scenery passing us by as my father drove us to our new house. We hadn't just moved, we had moved to ...

also known as my better half If Evan Cartier is Vivian's better half then I hope to hell I never cross paths with Vivian. A force to be reckoned with ...

There are a lot of mistakes in this story, you would benefit from running it through a spell-checker beforehand. The story is intriguing though but there is a lot that ...

In this simplicity is key. I like your poem, it takes away everything except what you want to say. No extravagant word play. I am an idiot because otherwise you'll ...

Wow, may I just say that I was drawn in immediately? Although I was somewhat confused for a minute about the MC's age, that didn't deter me from reading on. ...

First off I want to say that I really like your story. It flows well and has me curious about why Dean's mother hates Lily so much. I would keep ...