Vampirewolf3

Hunterzero is right. I looked it over, and I changed all the mistakes that I found. Thanks! :D

OK. Just one more thing. I like how the story is developed, but try putting more emphasis on Sarah's child-ish-ness.

Two years old: the age of TYWS itself.

Vampire stories are good. First person vampire stories are better. Do me a favor and write more. (It was impossible to find flaw in your writing.)

The snow was blinding, wolf howled into the darkness from a distance, commemorating the return of Korin. Try "wolves."

red =revision green =comments The shadows danced in the trees, forced back by the small fire. I like your imagery Ten faces were lit up by the traversing Traversing is ...

I think that the only resemblance to a Zeus story would be the word "Titans." How do you think the descriptions could be "rephrased?"

Please accept my dearest apologies from the deepest of my heart...if it hasn't already been removed through surgical means and that I am currently living in a mirage.

Quite a long story! I loved it. However, I fail to imagine thieves banding together with militia...it's slightly too fantasy-ical.

Tricky, tricky. But still very, very good. when you do a conversation, the quotes are usually double quotes. Like this: " It's all up to you I guess, but just ...

I love the story. Especially the part were you realize that the protagonist "cannot die." That's always interesting. Trust me, it is ALWAYS interesting. One thing though, try adding more ...

Not much changes since I last visited, but I did find something. Robin landed sharply on the cobblestone, causing the wound on his side to flare sharply in protest. He ...

Pretty good, just try to make the story slower (a bit). Running away from home doesn't go that quickly. I've never tried it, but I assume some thought goes in ...

There is a dire need for commas in the entire story. Try breaking sentences up into smaller ones. Read all about it! Read all about it! Comma shortage hits city! ...

Friendly reminder : To make something italic , highlight it (or select it, whatever you call it), then hit the button at the top that says " i ."