VampireBloodrace

Ok, so I need a little help. I'll be honest and say that I really am not satisfied with the name of my story. If anyone would like to help ...

As usual, good job! ^_^ Great details and I really like where this is heading! (Partially because I already know where this is leading, lol) Anyway, there isn't much to ...

The wind sung the door shut, and in the brief moment the thunder didn’t crash, she was able to stand and lock the door securely. I think you meant to ...

Ok, so I got rid of some mistakes and put all the commas inside the dialogue! I hope it's better no! :D

WOW!!!!!! I HAVE TO AGREE WITH EVERYONE ELSE ON THIS! IT'S REALLY SOMETHING! I LOVE THE USE OF WORD CHOICE AND ALSO THE GREAT DETAILS. There were a few mistakes, ...

Lol :lol: I've heard that before. My friends think the same thing! Idk how to explain it, but it works for me like that. I admit it myself, it is ...

"Oroshii? Come on, wake up. You slept in again!" I groaned and turned my body to the side, feeling the mattress under my bony body adjust to my new position. ...

- 7 years old - It was Sunday afternoon, and I was helping Sasuke with his Sharingan. This wasn't the first time he'd asked me to tag along on his ...

“mama, papa, Ryoko?” she called, looking around the house. Capitalize mama “Where is everyone?” she closed the door behind her and leaped of the 3 steps from the small stairs ...

Once we reached the park, everyone stayed silent. Demeter and I continuously looked at each other anxiously, waiting for the other to ask Oroshii the question that would help us ...

She finally spoke, "I was going to tell you about it on your eighteen birthday, so you could decide what you wanted. Eighteenth I like where this is leading up ...

I poked at my pizza, Alexis noticed. "Hey are you going to eat that pizza, if you don't I do. Pizza is my favorite food," she rubbed her stomach as ...

I picked up a brush, and ran it through my shoulder length hair wincing every time I hit a knot. Comma between 'hair' and 'wincing' Grabbing my car keys and ...

That was very interesting. Good details and I think you did fine with the other characters. I also agree with everyone else, good twist in the ending!

She stared at as if she was lost in thought I think you forgot the 'it', lol. Otherwise, it looks really good. The ending was kinda............idk, but it wasn't the ...