VampX13

thanks!

He proposed that she return with him to stay the following week at his castle in the Kingdom of Wealth. She should contact her parents, she thought, but what would ...

From the author : This story is based off real life. I wrote it as an assignment for Writer's Craft. We're supposed to take a story from our life and ...

Thank you X4. I appreciate and comments and crit. Thanks.

A final touch of eyeliner, the final smear of lipstick. The jacket feels rough against my skin, heavy. It’s made of wool, isn’t it? My stomach turns. Allergic, I must ...

From the Author: It feels like there is something missing from this intro. Anyone have any ideas? Introduction And I felt it in my heart, the beginning had come and ...

This piece needs to be cleared up a bit. I might suggest on describing what is going on, where it is happening, etc. Also you might want to continue working ...

Thank you. So much! I really do need lots of grammer revision and I appreciate any you could give. I have rated it 'R' or 'M' or something of the ...

Work more on your flow. Don't pay too much attention to detail. Specifying how long the lady stayed awake for seems awkward considering the way you write. Something more appropiate ...

It has a really good rhythm to it. Something that would nice for spoken word or lyrics. And it certainly makes you think, doesn't it? It's short but to the ...

(Sorry. Still want to continue?) "My... phone number?" she questioned in response, raising an eyebrow as she raised her eyes slightly from her lap.

Needs spacing and I would suggest using past tense. Make the dialogue clearer by adding some this-person-saids, etc. Interesting idea, though. Plus I love the way the Greek Gods/Godesses interact ...

I rarely use these Ma'm or Sir and actually hate be referred to as either. (Sir, especially, hee-hee.) But I don't know if I'm just some rebel-of-a-teen b/c I don't ...

If you want enemies for the Masons you could always use the whole misunderstood thing. Perhaps some people get the wrong ideas about them and through misconception of Masonry, become ...

Okay. I haven't done trig in a couple years but I quite enjoyed it so I remember some. It would be so much easier if I had a scientific calculator. ...