UnderTheGun

This is a good start, but it felt a bit rushed. I didn't think there was enough detail. His brother, was he violent when he found him? Thirsty and yearning ...

I'm a bit frazzled. The story itself is good, but I don't like the format, I'm not even sure if there is one. Maybe there's no need for dates if ...

I couldn't find one thing that I disliked about this, perhaps because I'm such a fan of the song and I actually enjoyed the literal interpretation of the lyrics. I ...

I'm in the process of removing chapter one of my novel from the forum. I will repost it after cutting down a bit of the chapter.

This was pretty impressive. I like it because it's exciting from the very beginning. Maybe not exciting, but engaging, or maybe both. I love how clearly everything is in my ...

The dialogue in this chapter is so much better! I love it. I still think you need to add MORE detail, and that's too easy to do with a passage ...

Tiffany's introduction seems a bit formal being that she's the only one using her last name in the conversation. The dialogue still needs work, it's not always clear who's speaking. ...

I'm following your story because it's interesting. So far I want to keep reading, but this last chapter seemed kind of weak to me. There are a few things that ...

I love how I already have a great sense of what the characters are like, that's a sign of a great writer, but with so much of what you've written ...

Hey! I love vampire fiction so I thought I'd stop by and give you a bit of feedback on the first chapter of your novel. First, I think what you ...

I liked this, but like the others, I have to say that it does still need work. The story itself is grand, short, sweet, almost realistic, but at times while ...

This was good, but it's easy for the reader to get bored with the casual, sarcastic tone of the story, so I'd suggest you introduce something that Ayden can smile ...

I don't like the way you started this, but I think it's pretty good. Great even. I like that the speaker is nameless and faceless, I know enough about him ...

Wow, I loved this. Keep writing, let us know when you post more. I'm dying to see where things go for Ayden and Green Eyes.

I really liked this. I'd say the title could use some work, but overall it was very catching. I was unsure about reading it and thought, "archangels? wolves? nah", but ...