Threnody

P.S. Why would a vampire let someone like that bully live? He might not kill him in school... but outside is a whole other thing. P.P.S. Twilight stereotype? P.P.P.S. MORE ...

Point: You can't actually be 100 years old, because you sound WAY to immature for that. Point2: I so agree with that other person about blood pills. Maybe something else, ...

I stand in repose. This is the only time when I'm really at ease, and the silver lining on my slippers match those on the clouds. And when he's sketching ...

Question: How long did you have to write this? 5 min, 10min...etc? :? It sounds very rushed. And a tiny bit choppy. Maybe you could make it smoother. Possibly by ...

Another thing- Fluidity is praised in writing. Fluidity would be praised in this writing. It sounds maybe a bit frantic. Like you had to finish this story in 5 minutes. ...

Yes JC I am completely aware of this. Thank you.

P.S. If this is a more serious story, and it sounds like it is, then "buff" is not a good word choice.

"HI! Welcome to YMS!" That line is just so stereotypical, it's not even funny. How about Greetings young YMS padawan? Anyhow... enjoy

And what would that project be?

I like it. It could actually go far. A prologue would be kind of nice. It would actually make the story better. Otherwise I love your idea! Keep going 'cause ...

Prologue Luke balled himself up in the cellar corner waiting for her to return. he quickly shone a flashlight beam around the shadowy basement, as was his ritual to do ...

Good Lord. This is probably the first time I'll say this, but prologues are meant to be a little vague, to make the reader wonder; one, whats going on; two, ...

Amazing... as always!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Very sweet. *insert eyeroll here* :roll: Ummm... Very, Verry vague. May make a nice poem. As for this, it needs a bit of revision or it's headed for the bin. ...

Okay: Other people who posted pictures of footballs- it's ENGLISH football. Not American football. Translating to soccer. I think the story really nice. It's not your common romance story, that's ...