TheManintheHat

This is the beginning of a longer work I am working on. Any comments and/or critiques would be most welcome. Day 1- September 28th, 2009 I woke up at my ...

[b]-New Ending to Part One-[b] To Landon’s great surprise, Aviv had back his smile. “But I am not alone, Landon; I have you.” Landon did not know how to respond ...

So begins my tale of the Sea... -Prologue- Dear Reader, Where you are, wherever you are, wherever you are not, you are always one step away from the world which ...

Hi Squirrely It's always nice to read a story like yours. It has a simple, sweet plotline and a host of relateable characters. There are, however, some things that I ...

I'm going to have to agree with Elinor with this one. Chelsea's sudden contact with God was, although nicely written, not something I could take seriously. Remember: just because it's ...

Instead of ruining the fun of discovery, I've made a minor change. The Ones line up on the clock Tic…toc...tic…toc The Twos line up on the clock Tic… toc… tic…toc ...

To be honest, all the advice I could give has already been given, but what I still feel you should definately do is expand on what you've written. I love ...

I really enjoyed myself reading this poem. There's not much to nitpick at, and most of that is just personal preference. So I'll leave you with this: Good Work!

The ones line up on the clock Tic…toc...tic…toc The twos line up on the clock Tic… toc… tic…toc The threes line up on the clock Tic…toc…tic…toc The fours line up ...

The ones line up on the clock Tic…toc...tic…toc The twos line up on the clock Tic… toc… tic…toc The threes line up on the clock Tic…toc…tic…toc The fours line up ...

First thing's first: well done! I really like your descriptions and the idea of a shady father-figure you've created. However, ther is one little thing I would like to point ...

There is a cave Beyond the void Beneath the abyss On the other side Of eternity Off the edge That God does not even tread There, bundled inside A wooden ...

I have more to it, if anyone is interested.

This is one of my first attempts at a short fiction and my first posts. Please respond with your thoughts, be it complement or criticism. He had awoken to an ...