TheEnigma

This describes a very human and realistic story that probably millions of people all over experience. This is very representative of that shared experience. It did kind of read like ...

You've got a great grasp of dialogue. In fact, you don't hesitate to use it at all. The thing is, you tend to overuse it a little. I never thought ...

This is an interesting format. It seems more like poetry, almost. It certainly does hold the reader's attention because it's so different. I don't know if you mean to write ...

I never got around to finishing the Ranger's Apprentice series, but from what I can remember, this seems a fairly accurate representations of the characters. I like how you created ...

Ah, no, you ended on a cliffhanger! I curse you and admire your ending at the same time. That last fight scene was brilliant! Your writing style has great flow, ...

This was very realistic. You weren't afraid to use sometimes brutal details to capture what these labor camps were like. You also touched upon ambiguity. Sometimes there are stories where ...

People already mentioned the start a new paragraph with dialogue thing, so I won't say it again. I will comment that you were doing quite a bit a telling instead ...

The Mortal Instruments series is great, and you seem really familiar with it. Your hook was interesting and despite writing off a series your characters were fairly original, especially Emilie. ...

I just finished Mockingjay, and it seems to me that you've got everything down straight. Finnick and Katniss were just like they always are. I wasn't sure when and where ...

Nitpicks: Zachary continued observing the golden rod in silence. Zachary handed Shirley the golden rod and the human girl beg a n her research in earnest. But then again, these ...

This was very well written. I liked how you started off with the one word sentences as a hook at the beginning. I found it interesting how your associated "cold" ...

A review for you. Let's get the nitpicks out of the way, shall we? I hurried t o catch up with her. “ Whoa , what’s wrong?” you can tell ...

This is great. You hooked me from the start and I liked your writing style a lot. It's sharp, neat, and perfectly approriate to this kind of story. This even ...

You delve into greater detail about your characters this chapter, especially Lucy who we didn't get much of a look at in the first chapter. You also used dialogue much ...

While your descriptions are very vivid, it seems like you're trying too hard. I was put off the first paragraph because it was so much detail that didn't interest me. ...