TheEnigma

Some ones that haven't been mentioned yet, as far as I can see: 1) Incarceron, by Catherine Fisher 2) Looking for Alaska, by John Greene 3) Graceling and Fire, by ...

If you want help with this you can just PM me. I can break it down paragraph by paragraph with you.

Back in her room upstairs, however, Zoe made no move to her homework, but paced relentlessly. Should I go or should I not? Going would surely raise her in the ...

You had a lot of nice detail and description, and the best part was, you didn't go overboard in your paragraphs. I commend you for that. Your first chapter was ...

I don't know all the details, but I know for sure that the Jews first had to register. There were notices that all Jews had to register with the German ...

School had barely started, and Zoe was already counting down the days to summer. She had happily dropped science, but the school required she take math all four years. She ...

This is really an excellent piece. You did a great job building the characters through actions and dialogue, especially the mother. This is the kind of drama that seems like ...

Read. Read, read, read. Read anything you can get your hands on. Not only will it introduce you to different techniques and writing styles, it will improve your vocabulary and ...

Wow, you wrote this when you were nine? That's pretty impressive...but anyway, Mysty's right. There's a lot of information in here you could work into the rest of the story, ...

Really cool story. You started off really well with the back and forth between Meagan and Ernie. You characterized them both beautifully, just by having them speak. That is difficult ...

Again, like the mind talking thing, but it does get a little confusing. You have this whole conversation and you don't indicate who is saying what. Maybe add in things ...

Wow, this was crazy. It did seem like a dream, almost. I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation between Alexis and the strange man towards the end. You did a great job ...

You write well, but you make a lot of mistakes in punctuation that detract from your writing. I stumbled over quite a few run-on sentences and sentences that looked as ...

I used to own Ferb, a goldfish, but a housekeeper killed him. I once had a goldfish. His name was Lightning. He was a murderer.

Welcome to YWS, Risfel. You will enjoy it here. It's a great site.