TheEnigma

You had me laughing here. Great characters. Zerelda was a piece of work, and Bert was...interesting. I only noticed that you kept switching points of view. You started off with ...

You start off well with a great hook, but the rest needs some work. The first thing you should do is break down your paragraphs a lot. Big paragraphs deter ...

This is an interesting introduction. Very philosophical. It does start off a little slow, but you say some interesting things in your first paragraph. I liked your second paragraph best. ...

Hey, I'm no Shakespeare or Poe myself, but I like it. I like your rhyme and how you keep repeating the theme of hope being like fire, and light.

You did a nice job kicking off with a mystery. You led in and out of the story with suspense--starting with dialogue was a great beginning. It seems to me, ...

Is there more of a story behind this? I feel like this is just the beginning of a piece, and you could expand it more. How about putting in a ...

This is very nicely written. I like how you keep the name of the girl hidden and weave small details about her into the story, so she ends up kind ...

This was hilarious. *cackles delightedly* It's always great fun to laugh at Twilight. Nice job with Stephenie Meyer, I was cracking up at that part.

Haha...this is funny. Deeply appreciated. :D But of course, I'm here to review, so I'll get down to business. My first thing is just nitpicking, and I see this mistake ...

This is well written, but I think you change too constantly between characters. After a while it starts to get confusing as to whose point of view you're writing from. ...

Just a question: Do you really need the character introductions at the beginning? I'm sure you can find a way to work their descriptions into the story. That's an important ...

This is really good. I only have a couple of criticisms to make: ~don't be afraid to use the word "said". It fits smoothly into the writing. ~I was just ...

The first thing I would work on here is your beginning paragraph. It leads well into the story, but I found myself losing focus as I was reading it. It ...

Really, really funny...but...umm...if I read right, Hermione turned herself into moaning Myrtle? Crazy but good.

Nice drawing!