TheEnigma

This was pretty good. I liked this a lot. You had some run-on sentences in there, but overall your grammar was neat. I mean , I’m not the confident type ...

I like how you set up the backstory right away; with some characters it works very nicely. Your first paragraph was pretty informative without getting boring, which is good. However...after ...

“Zoe? Zoe!” Zoe started awake. At the foot of her bed the speakers had fallen silent; Papa Roach was over. She sat up and popped out her iPod. “Zo-eee!” Her ...

Whoa, good start. For a moment there I thought you were going to start off with a fight between your MC and a monster, but then you completely changed tack. ...

A hero can be an everyday person. They don't have to have superpowers, or even do brave things like rescue drowning people or pull people out of the way of ...

This was good, but AngerManagement's right, it's hard to tell who's saying what. You could add phrases such as "he thought' or "she thought back" to clarify, maybe. I didn't ...

The beginning paragraph was a little slow. At first it wasn't clear to me what was going on, because I had no idea what the setting was--maybe clarify that a ...

It's kind of hard to criticize the writing style when it's a children's book...what age exactly were you writing for? For ages 4 and below, some of your description, particularly ...

This is well written, but it is kind of long to read. You just wrote paragraphs of the MC's thoughts and there was no action and little suspense. That can ...

Ah, a catchy beginning and a suspenseful ending. I commend you on both, as well as on your remarkable use of dialogue. There is some nitpicking I'd like to get ...

Wow, you completely changed the view on stars, and you summed it up very nicely in four stanzas. I especially like how you sort of personified the stars by making ...

You should definitely expand this a bit. It's well written, but I could do with a little more detail, some history, an explanation of all these relationships. And characters! You ...

The only place to drag on S. Street was over by Oskar Grouch’s can, ‘cause he was the only one who didn’t mind the smell. Otherwise all the older muppets ...

You write descriptively, but you have long paragraphs full of information that is hard to take in all at once. I found myself struggling to get through some of your ...

I'll comment on your characters, that's always fun. Julia's an interesting character, I have to say. You do a good job showing her personality through dialogue and her reactions, especially ...