TheEnigma

This describes a very human and realistic story that probably millions of people all over experience. This is very representative of that shared experience. It did kind of read like ...

You've got a great grasp of dialogue. In fact, you don't hesitate to use it at all. The thing is, you tend to overuse it a little. I never thought ...

This is an interesting format. It seems more like poetry, almost. It certainly does hold the reader's attention because it's so different. I don't know if you mean to write ...

Again, there's action you could add, right in the space between these paragraphs: And that’s when he saw it. The bloody handprint smeared across the door frame, scarlet drops slowly ...

I never got around to finishing the Ranger's Apprentice series, but from what I can remember, this seems a fairly accurate representations of the characters. I like how you created ...

Ah, no, you ended on a cliffhanger! I curse you and admire your ending at the same time. That last fight scene was brilliant! Your writing style has great flow, ...

This was very realistic. You weren't afraid to use sometimes brutal details to capture what these labor camps were like. You also touched upon ambiguity. Sometimes there are stories where ...

People already mentioned the start a new paragraph with dialogue thing, so I won't say it again. I will comment that you were doing quite a bit a telling instead ...

The Mortal Instruments series is great, and you seem really familiar with it. Your hook was interesting and despite writing off a series your characters were fairly original, especially Emilie. ...

Hey Rhani! First of all, welcome to YWS! Second, I have a solution to your problem. Just go to "My YWS", "Edit Profile Settings", and click on that. When you ...

I just finished Mockingjay, and it seems to me that you've got everything down straight. Finnick and Katniss were just like they always are. I wasn't sure when and where ...

Hey there, Grin. (Just to let you know, we love nicknames). Welcome to YWS!! Yeah, no lies, Johnny Depp rules. I know lots of quiet people who are absolutely hilarious ...

Nitpicks: Zachary continued observing the golden rod in silence. Zachary handed Shirley the golden rod and the human girl beg a n her research in earnest. But then again, these ...

This was very well written. I liked how you started off with the one word sentences as a hook at the beginning. I found it interesting how your associated "cold" ...

the only reason Hamas has support is because Palastinian attempts at talks to try and get their point of view across have repeatedly failed. A great number of Palestinians indeed ...