TheD2

Can not breathe Can not see Can not bare this weight put on me Can not walk Can not touch Can not deal with this It is all too much ...

I shall bow down to you, that was a really neat poem. I do agree about the streching out the lines, in some parts of the poem the longer lines ...

"Let me die" amen to that. Lately I'v been writing a lot of poems Like that too. The poem doesn't have any big problems but you are living in a ...

Oh this poem moves me so. :D You display the emotion very well, and bring your message across without being too vague. But in stanza 5, are you saying it ...

I like this poem, this is a really neat idea. But I have some issues. First: the rhyme scheme. try and develop for pattern or have none at all. The ...

Tear it to shreds? looks like you have done that yourself this thing is so choppy. :D The choppiness is a unique style that is used in many famous poems ...

I really like this poem, it is very neat and full of that fun suicidal emotion. But the meter drove me a little crazy, there were a few points in ...

I have not been on for a while, but I am ready to start submiting again. Here we go. Dead Left broken, left for dead, They put a bullet in ...

I am sorry, but this did not seem like a poem at all. There was no meaning, nothing rhymes, and I love poems that rhyme. :twisted: hehe. But If you ...

That was nice, It might help to avoid using the word cross, that kind of gives it away that it is Jesus. I am not sure off the top of ...

Well, there are a few typos, that some say are grammar errors, but I usually call them typos. Those are easy to see after looking it over once so I ...

I think Rieda is right, it should be longer, it is too short to get your point across. It does not make much sense, more lines, or even stanzas will ...

i Liked that, it was really good. It (let me think of a good way to phrase this) was amazing. It really showed the truth of an eating disorder if ...

Ok, thanks every one, I will edit those problems, and make them bold. I will get to that, and I am almost done with chapter 2, so they should both ...

Thanks, I will work with all of that. Those typos were iminent, I was dozing off while writting it. Ya, I wanted there to be some simularities, but I think ...