ThanatosPrinciple

:smt041 :smt040 I thought this was well written. just a few things. You say "to" instead of "too" in the first paragraph. If you want to get something published in ...

:smt041 :smt040 I thought this was well written. just a few things. You say "to" instead of "too" in the first paragraph. If you want to get something published in ...

Good story, kind of graphic.

Firstly. you aren't using all of the perceptions as much as you should (sight, smell, taste). Secondly, you should try to include more descriptive language. The writing is somewhat bland ...

name: Britney Spears gender: female race: definitely human power: annoyance, makes lots of sacrifices (her hair) for example background: party!!! Exiled for partying innapropriately ahaha

Chapter I - Dark Blood By Mongoose “Edward, I see you have cared to join us.” A steely voice echoed throughout the room and into the hall. The scrawny boy ...

I think you should find a better word for the first sentence than "quicker". It makes your story sound childish or awkward. It was also impossible to know what the ...

I think you should elaborate on where Putney is in the beginning. Besides that, good start :smt080

Whoa that is so... creepy! How old is she? 7, 8?

This is a good start. However, it was hard to understand what was going on. Also the writing was too grouped together, which made it hard to read. Another thing ...

This is a good start. However, it was hard to understand what was going on. Also the writing was too grouped together, which made it hard to read. Another thing ...

This was so good! It was REALLY scary too, I really liked it. I don't have much to critique, however. It was very well written. I'm going to read the ...

I had a few problems paying attention while reading this. It was too bulked together: you should space it out more. Besides that it was very well written, but the ...

This had very good imagery, it was very easy to imagine their home and their situation. I think the boy's father had a very, very strange name. At first I ...

I thought it was well done but a few things confused me. One, it took me an extra minute to figure out what a "fistful of Marks" was. You should ...