Tamora

Ray

I really like this, you have a good view of the charactors and their probable reactions to this situation. One thing, when has there been a shop opposite the Dursley's? ...

I didn't find this one as good as the Snape one, but you still have a good style with these fanfics. I found that the start was a bit jaggered, ...

I really liked this, I think you've captured Snape's personality quite well. The main problem I have is that I wasn't sure when this is set. I understand that it ...

Hi, this is a nice start. You've got good charactors here, and some nice description. there are a few things that i think you could work on though, so here ...

Name: Sophie Hunt Age: 27 Gender: Female Personality: bubbly and easy to get along with. Not the smartest, but one of the nicest people. Easily scared though, but has a ...

This has a good first part, but i'm not sure about the second part. The charactor has been introduced quite well personality wise but I don't realise what she looks ...

Thhis is a good first chapter, good introduction to the event, the charactors and the emotions. I like the fact that you've given the main charactor the 1st person POV, ...

I actually didn't find it too confusing. The start was a little, with your first paragraph slightly fragmented I was unable to follow it easily. Heavy footsteps clunked through the ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS Okay first things first, write more!! Not just because it's best to post in chapters rather than paragraphs (which it most definitely is), but your readers ...

I liike this, but there's just a couple of little things that I think could be improved comfortable four poster bed. Getting up from the bed, Repitition: Bed. Flow is ...

Hey, i like to see a Tamora pierce fanfic, but I do agree with the others. this is too short. I won't go as far as saying it's crap, but ...

I know you've said you weren't going to write anymore on this, but I think you should keep trying to improve this one at least. There are a few things ...

*pokes* someone post.

I will be the detail freak and nitpick this otherwise brilliant story. My mother isn’t ugly. Her hair, dark, like mine, fell in waves around her face, hints of grey ...