Swires

Some of this may have been said, I skimmed the other feedbacks. You use "spots" in Lucia's speech. I think "places" or other word would sound better. Also "dumbly" is ...

It wasnt very poetic or contain much imagery. However it reminded me of a Hobbit song from LOTR. It was ok I guess for its genre although not my personal ...

Yes, I too like the idea of describing the fair rides as more warn out. WHen I began the poem I expected creepy (because empty fairgrounds are). But I was ...

Again I reiterate - start was good. End needed work. The last verse was a little bland for my liking and could have been made more poetic.

It didnt seem deep enough. You could have made it all ironic by making the maggots and parasites move elegantly etc... But you didnt. It was rather simple and depressing ...

Yes, I think everything has been said here. I actually liked the ending, I thought it was a nice way to end a poem. I liked the structure, especially the ...

I didn't like it either. It seemed to not flow, I didn't get the meaning of it and it was a little repetitive.

Yes a nice poem and I agree with Claudette. The description makes the persons seem fat in which the jeans dont fit. I would change the word "bubbled" to something ...

Yes a creepy yet wonderfully written poem. I second Fand - it may be good to go into the narrator at some point.

I think you have sacrificed all meaning and notion of the poem for the rhyme meter. And then returned there never more It just doesnt make sense because you have ...

We already knew about the July thing last July. And its a good idea - smoking is a serious, serious health hazard to those who do it and those who ...

They are some good tips - I never really get writers block as such. I normally just get bored with a story which is different. In which case the characters ...

Pullman is the only author Im familiar with on your list. Im guessing you are a fantasy writer. Welcome aboard.

Yes - everyone starts bad, some continue to be bad lol, but thats another story. (a long story of people not listening to crits and being general idiots). Anyway, welcome ...

Happy New Year. Also you may want to crit some other peoples work before posting your own work - critiqueing helps muchly. Welcome aboard.