Swires

Ok. First of all I commend you for your dedication to this story. You are not like many writers which begin a piece then never return to work. Secondly, and ...

Part 1, Rosin Has Been Added. -- Remember new readers you dont have to critique it all. If you don't fancy reading alot just read part 1 and give general ...

I took "Stupid Ass old man" to be a curse from the main character seeing as it is in thought formatting.

Well there is a variation in spelling, it is sometimes spelt Phorkis - this implies it is pronounced For-kiss. BUT I like to pronounce it more more softly - For-siss. ...

I love harry potter and RP on about 3 RPGs and have one of my own. The books are just awesome, the world, the characters etc.. are so good. Admittedly ...

Yeah, the questions I asked were probably my intrigue into the story.

A Few Pointers: :arrow: Ok, the present tense as mentioned above is my least favorite style of writing fantasy. I like my fantasy in the past tense, it contributes to ...

You will get more feedback if you put spaces in between your paragraphs.

Ok, a few things I notice: 1) I dont know where your characters are, I have no sense of whats happening because I dont know where they are going in ...

Niyana shook pale hair out of her eyes and peered around the hard stone wall, calm despite her current situation. "Are you sure we can trust him?" she whispered. "I ...

I don't quite get the dots thing at this stage. That's probably ok though. As the story goes on, I'll get more information about it until I understand properly, right? ...

Well thats great. Hope to see you around.

No claudette those are functions from the C programming language lol. I arnt sure if thats the one because Java is a programming language that I have avoided at all ...

I think thats the one. I may have to read t some time.

One thing I am curious about is the title of the piece. I googled it - "fear of snow" it will be interesting to see how this develops into the ...