Swires

There needs to be more facial detail, at the moment the face is a little apart from the body. Apart from that, good sketch.

HP is one of the few book collections I can read over and over again.

Wow! I'm not the only person who thinks Bush is a demon. What fun! I loved your piece. You described everything very well and the demon's attitudes were just hysterical! ...

In terms of Grammar - the story is sound. In terms of writing this is sound. But - I hate the style, why have you used the second person, I ...

I was completely captivated, like a deer in the headlights, my eyes never leaving the big, ugly, hairy spider that was sitting before me. Captivated? Id say scared, shocked etc... ...

I agree with the others, but I think you should try not to space out your paragraphs. :wink: Fael57 :D Please offer constructive criticism. Paragraph spacing is essential for readability ...

This is not enough to critique, a paragraph is not a story. Consider writing at least 500 words before submitting something to YWS.

Thankyou for the critique, Ill correct and post the edited versions later. More critques are welcome.

Im with Claudette - Throw a mad gunman into the works. Just add an "unfortuneatley" into the plot.

I will be linking this to all info-dumping writers.

Nice, informative article.

Wow - two magasines. Is this paid work or are you getting your name out there first?

Also, I like the title of this thread ('The Modern Prometheus'), simply cos that's the subtitle of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein -- Thats where I got it from lol. As for ...

WOOT! This may be delayed but I only found out a few days ago: HP BK 7 will be called: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows. -- Its Deathly Hallows ...

If you are a new writer then it is best you stick to one view point. I have branched out into two viewpoints recently but If you want to read ...