Swires

Its ok - Not really snappy or too original though. "Renaissance of Power"

Hi, do you eat foods with Glycerol in? Such is confectionery (marshmallow etc...)

Ok - I could go through and correct all the mistakes. But, this would be pointless, read this aloud and change what doesnt sound right when you are speaking. Also ...

Was a very nice piece of work congratulations i am much looking forward too any other of your stories :D A* Your post was encouraging but consider actually telling us ...

The elf and the dwarf stared each other in eye. They knew that now was the final reckoning, the defining moment in the endless competition between the two species. ok ...

.....Ok..... I dont think the repetition of the questions works at all - in fact it lowers what I think of poets when they ask endless questions with no answer. ...

Ok this seemed a little random and spontanious. Some flow was there but on the whole I arnt sure If I like it. Try and write on a subject, place ...

Hello tim - welcome to the Young Writers Society. You should put your fanfic in the Fanfic forum for the slaughter.

But surely Dislike is bred of misunderstanding? Pretend Christians and say, Muslims never met each other and 10 of each relgion are put on an island. Initially they would be ...

Four lines. Big deal. Where is the content, where is the story. The character is too bland to connect through a diary. I hate fictitious diaries as it is - ...

Basic compared to your other stuff. But I suppose thats what is intended.

Yes it sounds good for visualising Characters - I think Trudi Canavan did this with The Black Magician series.

and they were just fools, with dull, dull eyes yeah, they were fools, with dull, dull minds. I dont like the repetition here, it seems immature compared to the rest ...

Present tense. Yuck. Possibley personal opinion but I dont like it at all - and I have a feeling editors dont like it either because of the sheer lack of ...

Ok. This is a rare comment from me. I loved it. Your style and prose is just polished to publishable perfection. It is beautiful, natural and it is if I ...