Swires

All comments will be in the text preceded by "//" I stood there, waiting, waiting. // to create better tension you could maybe use fragments. "I stood there. Waiting.Waiting." Staring ...

" He didn’t answer, didn’t turn to look at the man who had bought him. The anger and hatred seething inside him were a controlled tide, like the measured beating ...

Well some smartphones and PDAs can connect wirelessly in cities for free internet so its good in that sense.

I shouldnt worry gyrfalcon - the exam has its faults. Maybe YWS should ammend the exam? and add rules of Fantasy so we can have the Commandments of Writing Fantasy ...

Interesting points, I too have attempted 6 novels now and usually stop at 15k because my plot dries up. Im forcing myself to write my new project what ever this ...

*claps* well done indeed. So whats your plan of action? Are you submitting to agents first etc...?

This looks like a Differentiation Question Although Im only doing Advanced Maths Core 1 ( Im started Core 2 soon so I may be better informed then)

Ok - thanks everyone again for help with this story. I dont think I will post anymore, I have enough feedback to continue on my own. So Ill go and ...

Welcome there. It would be nice if you could just use standard text instead of making it larger.

The sky over the small town was slowly filtering between colours, from a deep shade of blue night, to the roaring inferno of orange sunrise. As the light increased around ...

Again a fine installment. Im not lying or sucking up in anyway, nor am I being an idiot newbie. But, you do have the potential to publish, you really do. ...

This is completely inaproprate. You need banning and quickly. I have informed a mod about this and hopefully he will pass it onto the admins and ban you indefinately.

Ive been beaten to a full critique. This was very Narnia. Few since Lewis have used talking animals in fantasy (well few that I have read of). I arnt sure ...

You have a few long, run on sentences. The first paragraph is an example of where you write without a "." (Full stop/Period). Consider reading through and simplifying the sentences ...

You have quoted Sureals story twice. When I get my mod powers I shall delete your posts.