Swires

It could work but we would need to be totally clear on "who" was speaking. Perhaps each Chapter could begin with the character name? If you have several main characters, ...

Abel walked away from the fight. He gathered some sticks, about twelve and bashed them together. A splint shot from the sticks and into the tinder. Fire. He sat, feeling ...

Even the usually poker-faced and calm newsreader looked terrified. Her heart-shaped face, although liberally applied with make-up, was ashen-grey and pearly with sweat; her eyes, with mascara applied

He listened to her footsteps echo through the school’s empty halls. They grew louder by the second. Showtime. A fit of violent coughs escaped him and rocked his body. He ...

--I've not proof read this. I just wanted some feedback about the early parts of the story before I plow on. 2 Karl Sim knew nothing about gifts, magic or ...

That was a really good critique Dudette, exactly the feedback I was looking for. Scall's back history isn't present yet, for the first part of the story I wanted him ...

1 Scall stalked the demon like a shadow. He sat in a small coffee shop on the sixth floor of a London shopping centre, watching the six foot something, brown ...

Why do we do what we do, the way we do it? ##The opener is poor and little bit jarred. This universal feather becomes almost dead to us. ##I do ...

theres ink in my blood and my heart doesnt know my minds full of thoughts ## "minds" should be "mind" since a long time ago my keyboard is bloody my ...

Again, the feedback appreciated. I know what you mean about the final couplet - it doesn't seem to flow. I'll play about with this one.

Thanks for the feedback guys. Glad you thought it was beautiful. :)

Shall I compare thee to a summers day? Or not - because you are like a thunderstorm: Moody as bruised clouds that are swollen, grey; Unpredictable as lightning which forks ...

Thanks for the comments guys :)

Ok, this started out as a short story but it worked way better as a 10 minute play. Its a quirky little piece, feedback is appreciated.

Wonderful. Wonderful. WONDERFUL novel. I think Atticus is probably one of the greatest characters in literature. A cross-section of racial history interwoven with a journey into adulthood. Lightning p