Swires

Sorry but dream stories are "ARGH" in my opinion, it was going so well until the end until you rushed the family bit, threw in a volcano then woke up. ...

I liked the story but didnt like the first sentence, "It was a sunny day" just didnt really absorb me into the tale.

*screams* READ WHAT'S BEEN WRITTEN BY OTHERS BEFORE YOU POST PLEASE!!! SCREAMS AS WELL . THE DANCING RAT WILL GET YOU.

The advisor nodded, and turned his attention back the tournament arena. Back to the tournament FULL STOP. I dont think the "arena" bit is necessary. Inside the Ilen lord was ...

Again good job, paced out story. However Italics are usually used for thoughts, I would put all the phone conversation in speech marks to avoid confusion by the readers.

The dsecription was good but what was the purpose of this piece? Was it to introduce your character? Because I could not see one little hint of what the plot ...

dmoz.org(i think) The open source directory anyway.

THE DANCING RAT WILL RULE YOU ALL HAHAHAHAHA Sorry....

WEll done, yes the rewrite has made it alot better, I like the n ew end line better. You are a quick writer, unlike me who it takes forever to ...

With a skim through the story looks good, the last line makes me want to carry on reading it, good job. i may crit more when the next bit is ...

Nice moral story, are you going to extend on this, make a story out of it?

Interesting thought track. “All right, kid?” asked the man on the corner. “Oh yes,” Abby shook her head. “I don’t like the dark.” WHy would she say she was alright ...

Nice story, the description at the beginning is good and you paced description with what the people were doing well. I think this line could be more: A small smile ...

Well im outlining the whole story currently, so after that Imay go onto to do some word building, I reckon in a week it will be out.

Google is your friend. But yes, the Bonnie Prince, I remember doing about it, a few more facts will jog my memory.