Swires

JigSaw picked out alot that I was going to say, I liked reading it and I agree that the proligue does seem a little long, perhaps rename it to chapter ...

This is an interesting story and is maturly written "balanced in a crouch, his left hand resting against the trunk balancing him," repetition of balance, try adding a different verb ...

This story is intriguing but I found it a bit "And then..." sort of style add some sensory description to add depth to the piece.

Thankyou, yes I think I am too, this is my first attempt at a novel length story so Im gradually working into a style im comfortable with. Thanks again

Yeah, its ok. Im with Snoink - THat sentence seemed a little off.

I agree with E_L, perhaps you should plot out your novel?

Thankyou

Again a good installment of this very intrigueing tale. I liked it.

Thanks again for the comments, I arnt really getting the comments about Isabel, she never once tried to save her daughter, she was frightened of the Boatman, also in previous ...

I liked it very much, I loved reading it and the plot was excellent, personally i find it more believable than the bible, as that is also a fictional book.

Yes it was a challenge on another forum.

Aard focused on the black door ahead. It was like no other door, its smoothness grand, its glimmer like no other door. There was no architrave present, the door just ...

Thanks everyone, Im glad you like it. Yes some of the grammar is alittle messey in this chapter.

Thankyou, yes the beginning is a little hard to read, and the only thing Isabel cares about is herself really and wanting to wipe out every single magic user on ...

If you arnt doing xmen you should apply some boundries to their powers, like debt, when power used they become weak and have to replenish through food, or a special ...