Swires

Ok. There is a big, big flaw with your writing for me. You are telling rather than showing. Let me explain. You say - " Instead I fell through the ...

The feeling is here in this poem, as well as the passion. What is lacking is the composition. You need to filter through your passion through a greater complexity of ...

Coffee Stain On the roads, I pass by them and they glance, look me over, and I don't have a chance to hide that muddy cloud, that bleary mark of ...

The indenting went a bit off but you get the idea.

A single rose loomed amongst weeds: A bloody head, shading pygmy greens. A creature climbs the rose-stem, struggles, then slides down into the mire. A fatted antelope grazes, fowl beasts ...

Thanks guys. Kaykel: The formatting errors are due to me bashing this chapter out with WriteRoom. Dream: Thanks for the review of the story. Yes I did mean "suns" :) ...

CHAPTER 2 He smoothed out the sandy dirt that lay around him. He opened his eyes, and with great effort sat up. All around there was nothing but sand. Purple ...

Thanks for the encouraging comments. I have renamed my work now. Also I have planned out the world more and got a grip with the story as a whole. Thanks ...

Thanks Alf. I decided to start "in the middle of things" just to hook the reader into this, quite complex multi-verse I am inventing as I go along. This is ...

Julian stopped rowing for a second to catch his breath, and noticed that the world was about to die. He wiped the rainwater from his face and looked up at ...

Through death and destruction the feud continues. I disagree with Shina, I like this kind of opening. Short and catchy. It’s almost funny. Through death and destruction the feud continues. ...

Hello there, I have written a detailed review and exported it in a pdf format attached to this document. At the end I have written you some general advice :)

Hi there, thank you for your time but this piece isn't supposed to be realistic. It is an experimental piece - I know how to write a naturalistic style of ...

Scratch that first paragraph. It is in many ways unnecessary and to a large extent, a cliché. As for the style, I can see this being controversial. You are writing ...

There is a section on each of your topics here. I suppose you have already looked there however - and wiki can get a bit heavy at times. Here is ...