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Re: Little Bird
In that first stanza with all the commas, I think it might flow better if you make them into separate lines. I look at you, Little Bird, I look at ...
Dec 17, 2011 -
Re: Memories up in the Attic
i've got to say, I really admire your poetry, it has such flow to it and a flowery kind of imagery that pulls the reader in. I'd also like to ...
Dec 17, 2011 -
Re: All Our Shadows
I stand on shaking knees, empty eyes, empty cups, empty stomachs. Ignored by the hustle, by the busy business bustle, I loved this entire first section! An excellent way to ...
Dec 17, 2011 -
Re: Baying For Freedom
This was beautiful, and I am extremely against animal abuse of any kind, animal testing in particular. This really speaks from the heart and I think you were right on ...
Dec 17, 2011 -
Re: I am a waterfall
Heya! Love this poem (: blue: spelling error. red: delete this. (usually means it's unnecessary) green: awkward wording purple: i loved this section! pink: too blunt or in need of ...
Dec 17, 2011 -
Re: Alone in my head
The room was filled with light, with dark, with shadows dancing in an ark, around the floor, around my lifeless body. I just loved that! I really enjoyed reading this ...
Dec 17, 2011 -
Re: As she walks by. . . When she gets home
Hey there haley~ blue: spelling error. red: delete this. (usually means it's unnecessary) green: awkward wording purple: i loved this section! pink: too blunt or in need of further description/imagery
Dec 17, 2011 -
Re: From Me To You.
The duty of the definition of beauty makes me wonder The use of 'of' twice was a little awkward, but it was still quite a powerful way to start off ...
Dec 17, 2011 -
Re: Growing Up I: Innocence
I really like this. It was very flowery and had an artistic and unique sort of flow to it. The only thing I'm a bit lost on is the words ...
Dec 17, 2011 -
Re: My Eyes
I personally find poetry that is written in this manner to be incredibly powerful and holds more imagery than it's lack of words might make you think. People don't seem ...
Dec 17, 2011 -
Re: Kick Them When They Fall Down
What do you do to people weaker than you? Kick them when they fall down. How do you get rid of anomalies? Kick them when they fall down. it's a ...
Dec 17, 2011 -
Re: Waxen Mason Jars
wow. This actually blew me away. It had a very interesting plot, one that I've never seen before really. The 'i don't regret it' part definitely gave it a twist, ...
Dec 16, 2011 -
Re: Rain Drops
Just a little piece of my soul I wrote when I was about 13. (just cause I've got nothing else to post xD I need to write up some new ...
Dec 16, 2011 -
Re: A star across my chest
blue: spelling error. red: delete this. (usually means it's unnecessary) green: awkward wording purple: i loved this section! pink: too blunt or in need of further description/imagery/explanation I us
Dec 16, 2011 -
Re: Raping in the name of Honesty
This was choppy and messy and you know what.... I loved every bit of it. Don't change a thing, it's brilliant just the way it is. It was told straight ...
Dec 16, 2011
