Suzuhara

[Hi there, these are my thoughts!] 1.) Whispers and murmurs flowed around her liquidly [This isn't a real adverb] as she passed the throngs of workers, each too terrified to ...

Thanks for reading! Nope, I don't watch stargate. I wrote this in the middle of writing a paper. Took me ten minutes to write, which is why it needs some ...

Okay so this is a first for me in writing science fiction. So I don't know how it will turn out.... I'll just right the beginning and if you guys ...

Hey Rlw92! Thanks for reading. I'm glad you like it. I'll be sure to tell you when I update this. :wink: Thanks for reading Young Gun!! Too bad it's not ...

Thanks Rach! I'm thinking about expanding it...we'll see! ^^

Thank you the Writers! Yeah, I'll be sure to fix up those weaknesses. I like your quote btw. It reminded me of the original Peter Pan written by J.M Barrie. ...

Thanks everyone for your input! I think I was a bit harsh Snoink so I'm sorry if I came out that way. I really appreciate all the suggestions and I'll ...

Oh wow, thanks for the compliment! :) I'll def try to improve this. It needs a lot of work! haha. Thanks for reading!

Hey Tadeusz, Hmmm, I see where you're going. I really don't elaborate too much. Maybe I can extend this a bit further to make it more complete. I def think ...

Hi Turity, you bring up some valid points and they're things that I'll look over as I try to revise this. Thank you for comments!

Hi Gryphon, thank you for your suggestions! I will definitely apply them to make it better because I agree with what you said. I wrote this in thirty minutes without ...

There you go; you just ended the story on your own. :) This is flash fiction. I can't waste precious words on something obvious.

Thanks snoink! I've never heard of the book you talked about. It hurt me that you thought I took the "idea" of someone else's story and created something else out ...

DIFFERENT I am always alone. Mommy and Daddy say I must never leave the house. Outside is scary and dangerous. People will hurt me if I go out. I nod ...

Hey Elinor, you have a very intriguing premise here, however your story suffers from what I call a "narrator's voice" or "narrator's presence" that gives the feeling as if I'm ...