Summerless

You're loosing hope, That should be You're losing hope, I'm afraid to say that I agree with Gadi. This is almost all cliché. Everyone wants a little bit more sleep ...

I like how you put the colors in the poem. It's kind of like a visual poem, isn't it? ^_^ Try adding more punctuation like OverEasy said, and/or try breaking ...

I deleted this. Sorry for the hassle--I don't want it to be read anymore.

I like the assonance you put in tracked down and censored through the beaten screen and his quality learnings are bound to concede It makes up for the rhyming that ...

Preface: My Sanctuary Sometimes, at night when I lie in bed, the world of sleep and the world of dreams let down their bridge. My soul parts my body and ...

The fear is not frightening. It itself fears that no one fears. It's under the bed because it's frightened. I love this part. It's like a tongue twister because of ...

A few grammar revisions: “Your mom did. I was too busy today,” he yelled back. If the boy yelled it, try putting exclamation points instead of a period and/or comma. ...

I dislike reviewing the same piece of writing twice but I reread this and thought, "Wow, this sounds a lot better than I remembered it to be." So I'll post ...

Aww, this was so sweet and so sad and so cute! Did d addy burn breakfast? * Capitalize "daddy" since it's basically a name for the girl's dad. I have ...

Critique I hate wishing upon every star, That is so cliché. Take it out. Most of this is telling. If you left it at this on purpose, good job. If ...

I agree with 30MarsBars and disagree with Flame11. My heart aches to My head says no Makes perfect sense--if I'm interpreting it correctly. The narrator's heart wants to meet the ...

Wow, Ross, this is good (no duh! ;] ). It was really catchy and unsuspected. A few things though. With that , I grabbed him by the wrist and almost ...

I agree with yoha_ahoy. The second stanza is my favorite too! Poignant , and rich. The comma (in blue), I think, should be omitted. I love the ending too. It's ...

This part was just as good as all the rest. :] One piece of critique: David was a very nice guy and very handsome too. He had dark curls that ...

What do you see when you close your eyes? A million tiny dots? That is a very compelling, captivating start. It's not one of those cheesy rhetorical questions. You immediately ...