Summerless

Wow, this is pretty good for an hour's worth of work. A few things, though. I think you should lose the whole tribe/princess/magical powers things. It makes the story weak ...

I thought me and she could be That is grammatically incorrect. It should be "I thought she and I could be." (If you have any questions on why, feel free ...

defenceless if you look at the way Defenseless doesn't have a 'c.' Replace it with an 's'. my stringy blue veins are so clear beneath the sheer paleness of skin ...

Oh, wow, this is so sad and moving. The main character's innocence is lost! :'( The way you wrote and described each character makes me feel sympathy for the girl ...

Wow, that was an easy and nice read. I like the "chips fall" part and how your wish--being able write about the feeling you were feeling. The only thing I ...

Hi Chelsi! Welcome to Young Writers Society! Looks like Demeter basically told you about the reviews. Let me extend on them. Reviewing is when you critique/compliment someone else's work. The ...

Oh, Ross, this is lovely! This style of yours sounds much like Harper Lee's, especially with the tone I can hear the narrator assume. I loved the way you started. ...

Haha, I cracked up (and almost choked on my popsicle) when I read Suzanne's, LoveableLittleShock's, and Aedomir's add-ons to the list. :] A have a few more. 32. TyPe LiKe ...

Oh, I really enjoyed reading this! You had some alliteration and the wording was interesting. I have a few questions, though. Were you trying to keep a rhyme scheme or ...

20 (or 21, according to Jabberhut ^_^) . Cliché is love! Forget about saying the "scintillating sun." Why not say sparkly and pretty and friendly? Or what about the moon? ...

Haha, this is what I wonder about too. I jot down ideas and little segments I want in my story in my notebook. Sheets of paper can get lost easily ...

What a great thread. I always encounter things like these--so often, in fact, that I know how to deal with some of them. If you think your character(s) are vague... ...

Wow. Lots of people have notebooks they carry around, and so do I! :] Mine is a plain black Mead Composition notebook. I like composition notebooks because they keep all ...

This is so great and helpful. I will try filling some of these out since I'm really into turning one of my unfinished-but-is-working-to-be-finished stories into a book. Thank you! - ...

Like Vernon said, put the flashback in italics. Or in a different font. In my flashbacks I like to use present tense if the actual story is written in present ...