Summerless

You should space it out (between each paragraph) so it's easier to read. Else than that, this has a good start and is well written. -- Edit -- Perhaps she ...

Sounds pretty good. I think you should add an ending punctuation mark after the last stanza. Also try to find a better word for "shines" and "brightly." The sun shines ...

Love the title and how you ended the poem. Good use of repetition.

You have no punctuation marks besides the one ellipse towards the end of the poem. Add a periods in some places like Its shadow falls across the child watching as ...

1. Your poem was not corny. I do suggest you find a different word for sparkle, which you used twice. 2. No, it wasn't childish. 3. No, it wasn't too ...

This is my first narrative poem I read and you told the story well. You also had good vocabulary (quelling, wizened, scorned, cease). Way to go :]

I've seen your poem for a while in the Dramatic Poetry thread and I finally decided to read it! :] I think you should use different adjectives instead of "bright" ...

This is so cute! You totally have a child's characterization and dialogue mastered. I'm so giving you a gold star.

I like how you repeated "Sitting in a sea full of people." That is such a great metaphor yet it is original! Good job

I agree with benny. Fingers of blood touch me from where I lie alone and wasted in a bed of white roses. That was a strong start. I think you ...

I agree with deafwriter_19. The "I'm the girl in dark blue jeans" is so simple but original. Maybe you want to capitalize the first letter after each line break so ...

I like your style. Like intheblowinwind, I liked the "felt the burning, scraping, clawing" part. Maybe separate your poem into two or three stanzas? Like press an extra ENTER after ...

Try spacing your paragraphs out a bit more. Overall it sounds good.

Oh, and I have a little bit more feedback. You know how you have the links of the characters? I don't think it is a good idea to post it ...

This was okay. There were grammar problems with dialogue, as Perwinkle had pointed out. Make sure you DO NOT state what personality each character has. That ruins the part where ...