Summerless

Aww, I love the ending! The line breaks in the end really added to the relaxed tone. There's only one mistake I caught. I breath in savoring the scent that ...

This is a beautiful poem. Love the title, too. Each stanza flows well into the next. One thing, though. The last line, You're finally free seems a little weak after ...

This was touching. I've never went to a soup kitchen before but your poem sent me there so I was watching everything happened as I read your entry. Strong word ...

They slowly grew louder and louder. The man could barely breathe. The closet door swung open. Oh the suspense! What a perfect cliffhanger. I only found one error. He could ...

Oh wow, I love the last stanza! It sounds powerful because you repeated "I need you to leave me be" twice. One thing, though. Why can't you just , open ...

I like how you used the River of Styx and Charon in your poem. Two things, though. I would put a punctuation mark after "the bloom," such as a comma. ...

I thought this sounded fine. The lines didn't sound scattered and I like how you ended with the title. I like how you used "materialistic" and "ransacked"---they bring out the ...

Oh wow, this is great! I love the chorus and bridge. Nice title, too. Your W.I.C. (writer in crime >: D), Jion.

Oh wow, I REALLY love the repetition you used. At first I thought you were always repeating line two of each stanza on purpose (with the exception of the last ...

This is unique. I love how you incorporated words like "leggero" and "pianissimo" and "forte" into the poem--it truly makes it sound more beautiful. Also, I like how you brought ...

The blade pierced into my chest shedding a thousand crimson tear drops onto the ground. Tear drops is one word. I liked that part a lot. :] The blade pierced ...

I haven't ever read anything like this (content-wise and format-wise). Interesting stanza lengths and good word choice (chaste, ecstasy, navel, compulsion). Everything flows well except the first stan

The fourth stanza, lines two and four, doesn't really flow. I like how you used "fairytale glue" because it is such a cute ending even though it's kind of melancholic ...

Oh, and a few more things. His hands slid around my sides, held me to his naked chest. The sentence above, the part after the comma--clause two--doesn't sound right. I'm ...

This was pretty good. One clarification though. You ended chapter two with the phone ringing, right? Is chapter three a different day than chapter two? Or is chapter two a ...