Stori

Hi there. I'll just review some gramar points. 'Why do you not feel me?, Never put a comma after a question mark. Although, that might have been a typo.

Hello folks. *flips a jaunty salute* PenguinAttack encouraged me to join, so here I am.

Bonjour, Wildfire. And that's about all the French I know. :D Anywise, I'm Kyte, or Jorin. I don't mind which. I'm into anime, reading (what I do most of the ...

Wow. I really love how the sun has that one ray all through it. *points to picture*

I'll attempt a critique. "Notebook and folder, check, Bible, check, pencil case, che- wait, what's that?" That might work better if each item was its own sentence. Thus: "Notebook, check. ...

Hmm. Some of the dialog was forced, and you could use some help with grammar. "Don't 'Heil, Gabriel' me! You motley-minded miscreant!" Nice alliteration. It mad me laugh. But you ...

Hi there. I saw the words "Green Rider" and jumped on this. "My lord," she said, "any news on Karigan?" No need to capitalize "any." Couldn't find any more glaring ...

Methinks someone could use some work on his spelling. A few instances... The boy ripped open one last tent and there, sitting strait up in bed... That should be "straight." ...

Little confused by the college terms, but otherwise I think it's great. All though high school, Mom always expected me to come home right after the movie. I had no ...

Not much advice here, but I'd just like to say, that was great.

Now as this glow wonders across the land Should be "wanders." Spring is here the world excitedly cheers. Maybe "Spring is here!" the world excitedly cheers. Well, that's about all.

Hello, God. nice to meet you. ;) Wandering. Wandering A comma at the end of each line would work better. they turned their backs upon you, Now, alone and broken ...

Well that's a good question. Besides the forums, we have contests, polls, and let's not forget chat. Heh. 'Nyway, I'd be right pleased if you'd call me Jorin. Thanks.

Ok, this isn't very helpful. But I was listening to a song called "Fly Away Tonight." Great music for this.

One thing: you mention that she buys contacts so she'll look "like a normal human." Since this is journal, wouldn't she admit why her eyes aren't "normal?" Kyte