StandStrong

Whew! Not too many comma splices, and the person before me did a good copy edit. One thing they didn't catch: While we waited for Who to come around, Lion ...

I rested my head against the inside panel of the hovercraft, the cool metal a welcomed distraction from my pounding headache and roiling stomach. I rarely ever spent anytime in ...

I found several nitpicks in this one, so I'll just go through them in the spoiler. “Pixie, I’m not kidding. I told you no last night, and if I hear ...

Last review for tonight! Overview: I liked this part of the story, the explanation about Lion, the tech-pads, ect, ect. It is good pacing following the previous part, and I ...

I did find some typos, but I'm pretty sure people ahead of me caught them, so I'm not going to go there. The Beginning So the very first paragraph I ...

“Right. But what’s the freakin’ point? We should be trying to find a way to get back home, not sight seeing,” I ranted, still furious with our predicament. I think ...

So I'm quoting your whole work in the spoiler below, with my comments added in. This is what I'm thinking as I'm reading--it more closely resembled when I have a ...

It's a good start, you have the themes and central questions outlined pretty well. I will go through stuff chronologically. These were the guys whose parents slaved day and night ...

I enjoyed the originality of the piece, the way the characters interact. Mostly I enjoy the idea of painting a new picture, seeing how things are or can be...and so ...

I do like the storyline, and the classic 'girl meets magical horse and they go on adventures' theme (it brings back so many good books). This is also a rough ...