Squall

What's up JC? It's been a while. When I can home two nights before her television show was to be aired, the house was dark and quiet, with every light ...

Hello. I printed this out and was reading it while I was having lunch. Here are my notes: Joanna looked around the vast chamber that imprisoned her. Describe the chamber. ...

Hello Freak. Now he was in high school, and cruel world of judgment and harsh words. "a" not "and". He didn't wear the right clothes or date the right girls. ...

Hello! The comments that I make here are simply to push you further as a writer, not to offend you. The night was cold and bright with stars, the moon ...

Hello Chey. Sara laughed, ignoring my weak attempt at a dodge. “You knew it would catch up to you.” Be specific. What kind of "dodge" are you referring to? “Don’t ...

Part 2. Jasmine sighed, and reached for the child’s hand, which was promptly hidden under the table. Instead, she grabbed Ryan under the arms and hoisted him up to her ...

Not even a bit. I would be content to stay like that all day. Under my covers, all warm, within the dream I was having. I was in the perfect ...

Hello Chey. The blocks tumbled across the rug, spreading around the child’s plump thighs in casual disarray. I think it would be better if you had said "toys". I was ...

Hello Flora. I think the main problem with the piece is that it's very jumbled and drawn out. Each paragraph seems to randomly portray something but it doesn't work with ...

Hello rosethorn. We had Tom turn up the music loud enough so that he couldn’t hear us talking to each other. You introduce Tom rather suddenly. This is kind of ...

Hello Fellow. He was crushed and Ashea’s voice was calling him in vain. A thread of blood was streaming down his half-opened mouth and then onto his cheek. The dreadful ...

Hello Pingu. They're things that break and get replaced until they break again. I like this. It reflects how whores would keep going for different people. It's a clever extended ...

I don't get why you would waste words describing the pendant itself. It's so long winded and unnecessary. You can say that it's beautiful and it would hold the same ...

Hello KJ. I think you are on the right track in writing it in first person and attempting to humanize wolves. However, it lacks depth and never really has a ...

Hello JabJab. A distant growl rumbled over the distance between her and the storm, but she paid no mind. A distant growl rumbled over the distance between her and the ...