Squall

The flash left imprints of the man's shocked face to be forever imprinted her mind. This bit is awkward when I read it. Change it. Your story has potential but ...

Hrmm interesting. It seems there are some actions behind the scenes. I loved the fact that you made a new fantasy creature. Hope you will be successful in it. The ...

I thought it lacked scenary description and setting. Other than that, it was ok. Maybe because this was only the prologue that I didn't enjoy it that much. Looking for ...

Added some detail about their holiday and provided small hints of the environment of a certain part of the planet in my fantasy. When I read the older version, it ...

This was a good read Hunter. Loved the way you described the action. The sceneary descriptions accompanied the emotions of the characters well. My only concern is that I didn't ...

Prologue The mornings had not been the same ever since a white-sea mist enshrouded the bay. The sky was dark and the stars shadowed by the clouds. Rain water filled ...

Sorry guys!!! I'll review chapter 1 and 2 and see what I can do. Remember, Azzia deserves much better than being sold off!!! Selling her like does not bode well.

Yeah I just re read it and it's clear to me now lol. Now I worry about my story and maybe I rushed it too much lol.

The story is good in this. However, I believe that you will struggle for ideas in the middle of the story since you have revealed a little bit more than ...

The problem in why not many people are reading it I believe is mainly because chapter 1 and 2 do not flow that well with the prologue. Azzia looks like ...

Right now I have added more detail to the prologue. I'm still deciding whether I should do the same for chapter 1 or do it for chapter 2. Anyhoo I'm ...

Hrmm I aien't really interested in settings in fantasy taking place in real life but that's just my opinion. Anyhoo it had caught my interest..until after the second transition. The ...

In his earlier years he was a bigheaded mercenary who had an awful lot of sex . When you put that bit in, then you have totally killed your story. ...

Interesting, I loved your descriptions, gave me a strong idea of where the story takes place. The problem why you aren't geting much critiques is usually people don't have much ...

You have good descriptions...but too much of it and the plot was kinda slow. But I'm interested to see where this will head, this kinda reminds me of kindgom hearts ...