Squall

“Maver, take the prisoner back down to the cellar, discreetly try and make a back entrance,” he whispered. “ Dialogue doesn't sound too natural here. I wouldn't use the word ...

Another good part. Well done. I wonder who is this girl. I have a feeling they would get into a relationship lol. One problem is that there isn't much description ...

Well magicman had said what I need to say. Not my favourite part but it flowed well and I believe it will lead to another conflict. Onto the next part.

OMG cliff hanger! Now I want to know what the person in question has done that had created this conflict between the characters. Another question that ran through my head ...

Ooo I like how you move the plot so smoothly and swiftly. Seems like a conflict has happened already and I wanna see where this will lead. Like the others ...

Nice to see Iriad can fight ^.^ You showed your main character's features and personality well. And in first person too! I wrote in first person before and it really ...

Hi there. I think it's polite that I pay a visit to your work since I haven't seen you before. This piece had very little flaws and so it was ...

Hi Phorcys. I enjoyed reading this. It reads like Artemis Fowl but done much better. So a pat on the back for that. The ideas you had in this were ...

Hi Mythic, and welcome to YWS. Enough with mushy introductions, it's time to c c c c c cccc-critque 8) My name is Rhianna Leota and Hell is my worst ...

Although it is a short story, I find that there is very little chaarcter developement, or that the character seems real. As the others have pointed out, there are also ...

Hi Phorcys. I believe I promised you a critique a few days ago on the chat and I believe that I should. Like a bull, gathering more strength, his walk ...

Hi there, I noticed you didn't receive any critques yet and so I thought I should help. He opened it up and saw was a narrow stairway going down into ...

Hi Kel you doll face lol. I had promised you a critique and here it is. "It was. And it is. I can feel it. Something is going on to ...

Hi guys. I need some help on this contest lol. I've been pondering over this contest for a while now and I think I need more ideas to set it ...

Hi Mr Jiggly Puff. Thought I owe you back a critique since you reviewed the prologue of mines a while ago. And he raised the knife as if to plunge ...