Squall

Hi Magicman. I know you have a fancy for fantasy so I'm here to critque :) Snowflakes drifted down from the heavens. They spiraled and swirled in the winter air ...

Hi Hunter. Now that I've re read the story and the newest addition to the story, I actually quite enjoyed this. The way you wrote it, though complex, makes the ...

“Holy hell!” the cut grew together in an instant, leaving no sign of ever being there. I think there is a puncuation error here. It seems like it. He thought ...

Hi Angel. I thought the story was ok. You gave us too much information about the family and that bored me a bit. Quite a large bit of the story ...

“Surrender!” its magically enhanced voice was heard by all, it echoed off the cold hard walls cutting deep into the minds of all who heard its cry. Comma should be ...

Sup Pendragon. The town was in chaos, people were running everywhere and gunshots were sounding off in the distance. Perosk’s mother was dragging him towards the forest in a rush. ...

I quite liked this. It flowed along very well and I love the descriptions you used. It was fresh and really reflect the characters. I'm interested to see how the ...

Couch works I think.

Sup Lindsay. I thought this was pretty good. Hence, I should nit pick for you now Then they’ll take you home.” Mallory looked at her with big eyes. Big doesn't ...

Hi Reyu. Thought I should pay you a visit. The vibrant glow of the rising moon flooded the hallway with silver light. Stain glass casting hundreds of beams of light ...

Hi there. Griffin had slapped you and I think I'll do the same too. All he could do was stand there, two bodies side by side. Two girls, reaching the ...

Sup Adam. Time to nitpick :) (nitpicking means that your piece is good and that they are only picking on minor errors :D ) Tomorrow will be our first show ...

Adam had said what I wanted so I'll go on to giving you a nice ego stroke :) Well written and flowed along nicely. Since you haven't shown a main ...

8.5/10 Kinda funny in a sick minded way.

Interesting. We have a new character named Arrie. I wonder what role she'll play. Didn't spot any mistakes and I can't say anything else about this part since it's a ...