Squall

I'm wondering why this is in the romance section. I'm assuming it has something to do with your main character's sisters developing a teenage type of relationship with these boys. ...

This is kinda cool, I like how you portrayed a rather original theme of "having fake friends rather than none". To a certain degree, I actually agree with you lol. ...

Lol funny, yet random concept. The idea can work but only if you show more rather than tell. Don't tell the reader on what is happening. Show us so that ...

Although for one heart stopping moment the silhouette of the person stopped in front of us, it carryied on walking past us a few second later. Carried :) said the ...

Hi Ginger, here comes my critque :) I cried. I cried. Ask anyone... I never cried. The way you used cried like that isn't very effective. To me, I felt ...

The idea to this is good, but when I read the prologue, it sounded so bland. Where is the emotion in this fantasy? Where is the heart? I felt as ...

I see now, that you are far to enshrouded in light to be of any use to me. Thus, you must be disposed of. Excellent dialogue. However, isn't it "too" ...

Chapter 3 is now complete. Hope you will enjoy it :) For those that had read this before, part 1 ended at: “The Shadowmeres will just have to rip her ...

“Because you need to know, you’ve been denying yourself for along time.” Meant to be "a long". He white wall cracked down the middle; light shown through, pulsing with silent ...

The concept behind this is good but you mainly info dump and tell us, not show. It doesn't let the reader connect to your story and it just spoils it. ...

Hahha. The start of this was cute. Reminds me of kindy. This was a good prologue. I like houw you changed from a relaxed situation to suddenly being intense. It ...

A very exciting chapter. Here, Issac is given a ring, but I wonder what is the ring for. I was surprised that he got jumped straight after he aquired the ...

I like this very much. The characters felt very real to me and you had the right amount of description for me to picture the scene. I noticed you also ...

Hi there Madien :) Finally,Sersemon thrust his sword at Aiekeir's stomach. Aiekeir whirled away, throwing the boy off balance for just a moment. In that moment, he stepped behind him, ...

Hi Lynlyn. First of all, this was good. It was well written and flowed along nicely. I quite like the names, but it's a shame that I think you could ...