Squall

I like this. It flowed along quite nicely and it has that little beat in it. I especially liked the last verse, it's so ownage lol. The problems would probably ...

(Removed as this was written a long time ago).

Hi Chey. So, in the morning, she mechanically ate some tubers she had cooked the night before. Mechanically doesn't really work that well in this context. It appears as though ...

I love this! This piece flowed very well and you used the right words that brought out the full potential of a scene or the descriptions of the characters. I ...

Pikara's Guild, Tower of Lunarsence, Pikara's Room “Lets see, magic potion, check. Jar of candies, check. Elixir of jelly, check.” A knock sounded in the room, disrupting the chorus of ...

The start of this piece had got my attention. However, about half way through, you lost the purpose of the piece and it fell from there. Firstly, you info dumped ...

Pikara's Guild Pikara bounced her way down the hallway. Two sentinels guarded the entrance to the guild’s stadium. As Pikara approached, their spears crossed, blocking her progress. “Hey! What giv

It's ok I guess. I noticed you relied heavily on dialogue. It's not the way to go because firstly, it reads like an info dump and secondly, it doesn't allow ...

“Fine,” he turned to a computer sitting on his desk, “full name?” The word "computer" kinda killed the mood for me. This is a place of fantasy and by using ...

Hello and welcome to YWS. The fantasy forum is the place where I pay homeage to literature. Onto my critque. Though your writing style is pretty good, I think you ...

Oh dang lol.... Kyle is a girl's name and I thought that Kyle is a girl -.- My bad lol. "goes to edit last part of crit"

Hi Lucy, remember me? Guess I should critque this piece. I won't bother with a line to line since this piece was very well written and excecuted pretty well. The ...

I like this very much Kittie15. It's quite original and the world you've created is intruging. Nice to know that your character is only a weenie armed with a pen ...

For the limitation that you had to work with, I think this was pretty alright. Storywise, it was alright. Characters could had been more developed though, but with limited options, ...

Name: Pikara Story: Esper's Sepulchral I ( ) - Chapter 1 of the story where she was introduced) Gender: Female Current abilities: 1. Elestream: Allows user to channel energy from ...