Squall

Hey LAf. Well this part of the chapter actually caught my attention. The characters in this part were much more intruging than those in the previous part. I like how ...

Hey Starrynight. Since you aren't looking for spelling and grammer corrections, I think I will not do that (between you and me, I'm no grammer king myself :) ) Ok ...

Chapter IV: Case 01- The Three Bells of Wavend -Part 1- Under the ceiling of stars, Wavend's waters sparkled and caressed the prairie encompassing the old town. Past the rusting ...

Hi Little Angel Fire :) Stylistically, this was well written. You used your words well and allows me to picture the story quite easily as I read. It is also ...

Hi Eleinasari, I believe I did promised you a critique some time ago but I've been busy so I couldn't get to it till now. Here I go. I don't ...

Hi PenguinAttack. Onto my critique. I'll make it short and sweet. I think it was alright, but you need to expand on the theme a lot more. You have only ...

Sup girl. Prepare yourself "cracks knuckles". I will not bother with a line to line since you already have some. I would have to sadly disagree with the above critiques ...

When I first read this, I noticed your writing style has matured and is very fludic to read. Your descriptions riveted well and are neatly linked to your character. This ...

Alright first things first. I have to agree with Adam with one thing. You need to put your character's thoughts in italics or you'll be giving your reader (like me) ...

Banned for promoting to pigs to climb on walls (points at avatar)

Chapter II: A Dark Priestess "In the name of the father, the son and of the holy spirit. Amen.” “Amen.” “Please be seated.” With a simple wave of his hand, ...

I did promise to critque this and so I will. When I first read it, I noticed this was very well written. I like how you use adjectives to create ...

Hey Chey. Since I'm a part of this, I should be critting it eh. A little advice: Don't end a sentence then start a new line. It makes it a ...

Hi SOPF, remember me? First of all, is this only part of the prologue, or is it just the whole thing. If it is the whole thing, it feels short. ...

Thanks for the feedback so far guys. I have extended Chapter 1 of the story by another 1.5k words to provide more support for the story and Chapter 2 itself.