Squall

As a fable, this works quite well. However, if it was a novel, then it lacks content. There was once a wise old sage who traveled the world, searching for ...

Ok, what is the point of the first part of this piece? It doesn't really show the overall picture of the piece. Then you dumped Yuki's image onto us, which ...

Spelling and grammatical errors are scattered throughout this piece. I'm sure that you can pick them up by editing. How did Medley react with her surroundings? What were her emotions/actions? ...

Ok, dragons in fantasy = borderline to fail. Why? Because this "legendary" monster has existed throughout literature for a long time and I believe the old guy should be put ...

Ok, I only read a quarter of the story, but a quarter of it was enough for me to form a strong enough opinion on the piece. Firstly, telling and ...

This was pretty good. The plot and the descriptions were pretty well written, but I have some suggestions. Try incoporating what is happening with the characters themselves. It will add ...

Derek, there is too much telling in this piece. The plot is basically slammed into our faces. Treat the reader with some respect. Allow them to discover for themselves as ...

The piece relies too heavily on a dialogue technique to move the story. As a result, the story reads like a script rather than an actual story and the deeper ...

Author13, the actual idea behind the poem I thought was intruging, but the way that it was presented killed any chance of it being memorable and interesting. It read like ...

Hrmm I think you tried too hard to make the style of the writing fancy. You used way too much descriptions and details which do little to leave an impression ...

Sup. I guess when I first joined the site, I didn't really bothered in posting in this forum until recently. Guess I should make an entry now. As many of ...

Just leaving a note here. We've already discussed this on chat. Basically, I like but I think the actions don't really fit the nobelity of the characters unless you can ...

Madhatter and Ayra :p

7/10 It's somewhat seductive lol though I think she could be better designed. BTW Via, I assumed you haven't played Final Fantasy X eh? If you had, I think you ...

Hey Vernon. What's up and grats for finishing your first book. I'll first discuss the things that I like in this piece. Firstly, your descriptions. It is evident that you've ...